The Most Dangerous Narrative in the Boardroom.
In my three decades in educational leadership, I have sat in the middle of hundreds of disputes. If I’ve learned anything, it’s this: Conflict is rarely fueled by facts. It is fueled by the stories we write in the absence of them.
Research professor and author Brené Brown identifies a phrase that I believe should be a standard tool in every Board-Superintendent partnership: "The story I’m telling myself right now is..."
The Narrative Gap
When we are in a high-stakes environment—like a public school district under community pressure—our brains are hardwired to make sense of uncertainty. When we don't have all the information, we don't just leave a blank space in our minds. We fill it.
We create what I call a "Reactive Draft." It is an internal script that attempts to explain another person’s motives before we have actually spoken to them.
If a Board member asks for a detailed line-item budget on short notice, the Superintendent tells themselves a story about a lack of trust. * If the Superintendent waits to share a crisis until they have a solution, the Board tells themselves a story about secrecy.
These stories aren't just internal thoughts; they become the lens through which we view every subsequent email, meeting, and vote. Before long, you aren't mediating a budget dispute; you are mediating two competing works of fiction.
The Discipline of Neutrality
As a mediator, my role is to help leaders stop being authors of each other’s motivations. Neutrality isn't just about being "fair"—it’s about creating a safe enough space for people to say, "I don't actually know why you did that, but here is the story I'm telling myself about it."
When a leader uses that language, the ego steps aside. Instead of an accusation ("You are trying to undermine me"), you are simply describing your internal reality ("I am telling myself a story that my expertise isn't being valued"). This gives the other party a chance to provide the "missing data" that can collapse the conflict instantly.
Why This Matters for Governance
In the education sector, these unverified narratives often leak out into the community. When a Board and Superintendent are misaligned because of unexamined scripts, the public feels the vibration of that friction. It leads to eroded trust, "role creep," and eventually, leadership turnover that costs districts time, money, and progress.
Mediation is the process of fact-checking these stories. It is a disciplined, often uncomfortable, but ultimately liberating exercise in replacing a "Reactive Draft" with a shared reality.
Moving Forward
The next time you feel that heat rise in your chest during a Board meeting, I invite you to pause and ask: What is the story I’m telling myself right now? And am I brave enough to check it against the person sitting across the table?
If the answer is no, it might be time to bring in a neutral third party to help rewrite the script.